Plant Analogs

I try to not pay much attention to how animal eaters prepare their carcasses for consumption, but I can't help but notice a strange phenomenon--animal products dressed up as though they were plant-based foods. I did a bit of research (not recommended--the descriptions and images are horrifying), and found that the practice is rather widespread. It's actually amazing just how many plant products are imitated using meat.

Take the humble hot dog for instance. Normally it is made of soy and wheat with spices for flavoring. Processed versions may include added vitamins and minerals. Sometimes creative people will work in vegetables like carrots and onions. Regardless, it's pretty easy to see how convenient it is to take these basic ingredients and shape them for grilling and eating in a bun.

How one could look at an animal like a pig or cow and think, "Could I put it on a bun?" is beyond me, but meat eaters have managed it. In a clear imitation of hot dogs, they've gone and developed a process where they grind up nearly every single part of an animal, mix it with preservatives, shape it, and then try to pass it off like a normal hot dog.

This practice should immediately raise a question: Why do they feel it's necessary to imitate foods made from plants? It's not like animals that naturally prey on pigs and cows puree every gruesome bit before eating it. If they were serious about their meat eating, wouldn't they eat pigs just like a wolf in the wild would?

And it's not just hot dogs. They imitate other sausages. German? Imitated. Italian? Imitated. Polish? Imitated. You get the idea; imagine it, and they've got some version made up out of animal guts. Here's the kicker--they spice and texture it to try to make it taste like real food! How messed up is that? If they want it to taste like plants, why aren't they just eating plants like normal people?

They even imitate our beer brats. Is nothing sacred?
(vegan version posted to not further spoil appetites)

Sausages are just the tip of the iceberg. Hamburgers, deli slices, crumbles, basically anything that's shaped from plant proteins, they've gone and made a fake version of it. Wait, there's more. Soy, rice, coconut, or almond milk? They drink cow's milk. Who in the world would drink the milk of an animal when they have perfectly good, totally normal soy milk available? Well, they would obviously, but they must have a few screws loose to do so. Vegetable spreads? More cow milk. They've even got versions of ice cream made from bovine secretions. Can I get an "ewww", please?

Animal eaters, do me a favor. If you insist on your unnatural practices, stick to your bloody chunks of corpses and stop trying to make fake versions of everything. You'll never get the taste and texture right unless you use real plants! Oh, and the Vegan R.D. has a a pretty good, non-satirical article on analogs that you should also check out.