Besides that, think about this. What really is wrong with committing "just" 95% to any cause? Coaches go on and on about giving 120%, but that's stupid, and mathematically impossible. How much can you really give? 100% is impossible too if you consider you need to give some percent to just keeping your body's vital systems going. Breathing is like 1%, your heart another 1%. Basic brain function plus overhead comes to another 1%, right? It seems only fair to leave a couple percent for yourself. That comes to what? 5%! That leaves 95% to dedicate to any endeavor. 95%. BAM! I think that's a very generous amount.
Apply this idea to veganism as the post suggests, and we are on easy street. You won't even need bother to read labels anymore. Any animal bits in there will easily fall under our freebie 5%. Yup, go ahead and eat that birthday cake. You can probably manage to pack in some spare ribs too if it's only occasional, or you limit yourself to like six or something each time you eat out. Here's a cool idea: eat a large vegan breakfast everyday. This will increase the amount that falls under your vegan 95%, which in turn increases the amount in your 5% allowance for the good stuff. By lunch, you could be sprinkling some cheese on your salad, or even bacon bits! Keep snacking during the day on fruit and veggies, and by suppertime, you could probably squeeze in a whole side dish of meat.
|Your gateway to guilt-free bacon.|
But this is really too good of a concept to limit to veganism. We can go hog wild with this (using "hog wild" falls under my 5% allowance for stereotypical animal sayings). First on my list: Stealing. I've like, almost never stolen anything. Maybe as a little kid. I suppose I didn't make a lot of effort to find the owner of a twenty I found in a hallway once. Taken in toto, I'm currently scoring about 99.9999999% in the "didn't steal" category considering my entire life. That gives me a 4.9999999% leeway to accumulate goods beyond my means. Heck, even stuff I can afford, I could just get for free as long as it doesn't push me under my 95% goal. I've got a lot of time to make up for, and a lot of spaces to fill on my ceramic figurine shelves.
That's very cool of course, but let's not forget the intangibles. I consider myself a very fair minded, non-discriminatory person. Once in a while though, I feel a bit jealous at the camaraderie I see when one group verbally abuses another. I often overhear things like, "I say, friend, do you see the way that group carries on, what with their tinted spectacles, and their chapeaus adjusted just so? I imagine they will later partake in a round of miniature golfing as their kind is apt to do. Let us have a jolly laugh at their expense!" Great guffaws of laughter then ensue. This is what I at least assume I would often overhear, but I never get close enough to make out anything because these people probably all have horrible body odor and I have to walk upwind from them. I can now though devise my own jibes to share with those whose skin tone (and lack of any discernible body odor) I share. Of course, I am not and never will be racist, but who wouldn't want to indulge a mere 5% of the time?
This is just the tip of the iceberg of course. I don't kick 95% of the people I interact with in the nethers, but you darn well better watch out if you're in that 5%! Sexual harassment? It's a big no-no of course, but I think the hotties will neatly fit in the 5%. Even now I'm making my do-and-don't murder lists. It's getting tough coming up with 9.5 people I don't want to kill for every person on my murder list, but really, this is the sacrifice I have to make.
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